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By Seksé : Blog

Updated: Sep 22, 2020

I love being forty-something. More than being in my teens, 20’s, or 30’s. I've always thought women in their thirties were at their prime; physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally. Sure, in my thirties I became a mom, wife, business leader, home owner, entrepreneur, etc which all count towards growth and development. But real growth for me didn’t happen until recently when I was finally comfortable and able to make a life altering decision that would forever change how I look, feel, and my self-expression. And it wasn’t until then when I finally realized I have complete control over my life.

When I was twenty-two, I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation. Cancer runs rampant in my family and has attacked many of us, including my aunt who died at age 46 and my mother who I almost lost at the age of 55. When I tested positive I said, “figured”, grabbed my test results, and off I went to the next party--not giving two shits about my results or my compromised life.

Careless and defiant, I proceeded to live the next 18 years without being proactive around my mutation while every doctor looked at me as if I already had one foot in the grave. Not even when I became a mom did this change my approach of wanting to prolong my life. WTF, Right?! I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to whack off my tits and gut out my ovaries to bring my chances of getting cancer from 70% to less than 3%. The math was simple. My pride was not.

You see, ever since I became a young adult I have celebrated my womanhood in a very sexual way; as a burlesque dancer, pin-up model, and woman of expression . I was successful at being known as “the sex-bot” and often told I just “ooze sexiness”. I thought this defined me and my character so who would I become without this? Just a boring old mom and wife wearing Old Navy khakis? Fuck NO! I loved curves, cleavage, and the stage way too much to make this sacrifice. I felt without my “womanhood” I wouldn’t be my true self, and would be forced to mutate along with my gene into an entirely new human.

Three years ago, my sister who is 3 ½ years younger than me (also BRCA1 positive) underwent a double bilateral mastectomy with reconstructive surgery. To say she came out of it like a champ is an understatement. I watched her be strong, brave, scared, and vulnerable, but she never broke from her commitment to herself or her family of prolonging her life. It was….sexy. Now, when I watch her carry herself she has more confidence than ever. Why, because what defines her is not her physical appearance, but her ability to confront and take on life. A life without cancer. In the words of Glennon Doyle, “We can do hard things.” And it’s the hard things that shape us into the individuals we are. I don’t know if I would have been able to see sexy this way as being brave, selfless, vulnerable, committed, 10, or even 5 years ago, which is why I love growing up. Sexy is a feeling and form of self expression. Not an image. That is why we define our own sexy at Seksé.

Knowing this and watching my sister become her own sexy has inspired me to undergo a double bilateral mastectomy myself in July. Because I am electing to also have reconstructive surgery, I will have a series of four surgeries this year (two down already, whoop!!) I can tell you I already feel sexier than I ever have. Scars, numbness, bruising, bandages, and all. Knowing I can do hard things, make strong decisions, be vulnerable, and still have confidence in myself is shaping my character. It’s shaping MY sexiness.

Your sexy bitch,


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Updated: Jun 19, 2020

We invited you to exercise with us at Seksé Fit and then online, and now we are inviting you to do a different kind of exercise that doesn’t involve shaking your booty or rolling your hips. This is an existential exercise following my short rant...preach girl, preach!

“It’s a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I (we) keep from going under”

Not for one second did Roach or I contemplate or discuss giving up and shutting down Seksé Fit permanently; the thought never crossed our minds. Just like you have found a way to keep pushing forward during this pandemic, we will not surrender to the Covid terrorist. Despite having to dedicate a lot of our time to homeschooling, domestic responsibilities, and not having any space or time to ourselves, we keep trucking. Everyone's situation is different, I know, but I can only speak about mine and our business.

The odds of survival are stacked up against us: this would be difficult for any relatively new business, let alone a startup trying to disrupt the fitness and beauty industry. We keep from “going under” because we are entrepreneurs that love to problem solve and thrive under a sizable level of risk and chaos—this is our nature. Also, we believe in what we are building, so we can’t turn back on this trek through the jungle—despite our hydroflasks running dangerously low on water. To go full speed ahead, sometimes you have to hit PAUSE, look at the resources around you, and reevaluate the direction you’re heading (maybe even appreciate the nature around you and take a break with your loved ones).

“Hold up, wait a minute!”

If you feel like you are living day to day trying to survive, we encourage you to find time to hit PAUSE. If you have been going through the motions of life and don’t feel fulfilled, it’s time to hit PAUSE. If depression and anxiety are getting the best of you—PAUSE. This is the time to do it, whether you are busier than ever or bored to death; whether you are fighting for your basic needs, businesses, and dreams or have the luxury to work from home and job security; IT’S TIME TO PAUSE.

“Alright, STOP, collaborate and listen!”

Ask yourself: was the life I was living before Covid fulfilling? Was I truly doing what I want, what I am good at and utilizing my skills? Did I have meaningful relationships? Was I living with purpose? Is there anything in this moment of lock down that I have learned about myself that I want to carry forward? If I could live a life that felt like mine, what does that look like?

Being an entrepreneur is not for everyone and honestly I envy and admire those that seek well balanced, stable lives. Fighting for your life in the Startup Jungle for a shot to make it to Paradise Island is no picnic in the park. The idea of a picnic in the park sounds delightful, but I would get restless and want to climb a tree. Whatever it is you're seeking in life, it is your own and it doesn’t have to look a certain way; it has to be yours.

My Dad is the opposite of me, he stayed with the same company his whole life. He loved to manage people and never wanted to climb the corporate ladder; he enjoyed the simple things. I’m frankly not sure how we are related, but we both do share a mean jump shot.

Speaking of: time to play a game...the game of life.

Right now I want you to grab a paper and write 5 things that make you happy. You can do more but don’t overwhelm yourself—when we write down too many goals, it can be harder to focus and execute. Try starting with 5 and conquer them before you add more. When choosing your top 5, you may be compelled to write ice cream, shopping, or netflix but superficial pleasure is fleeting.

Having creative outlets such as dancing help contribute to my happiness factors. What are yours?

Trust me, I love superficial shit too. I am no monk, but it’s time to dig deep. What would kill your soul to go without? If you are a fashion designer, Ben or Jerry, or the founder of Netflix then I can understand if those have to be on your list. (By the way, you don’t have to share your list but it would be cool if you did in the comments section). Here we go, I will use myself as an example:

Top 5 Happiness Factors

  1. Having quality and social time with family and friends

  2. Challenging myself and others to live with moxie and meaning

  3. Healthy relationships with people that accept, understand and embrace me for who I am; and genuinely like me and vice versa.

  4. Traveling, traveling, traveling

  5. Having creative outlets like dance, writing, and making short parody videos with my partner and team.

Now go through each one and honestly ask yourself if you have all of these essential happiness factors in your life or have enough of them. For those that are non-existent or lacking, write down how you will start working towards improving them, even in this Covid crisis. Set goals with deadlines that can be flexible. I won’t share mine because it’s too long and too personal. Hey, I have some boundaries, not many, but some. See nude pictures below...

Next, list 5 criteria that give your life purpose and meaning. Here’s mine:

Top 5 Purpose Factors

  1. Sustaining and nurturing loving, healthy, unconditional relationships with my family and friends and being there for them; especially my son.

  2. Being myself and ok with not fitting in or being judged.

  3. Helping people recognize and love their unique, individual character and traits. And helping them live a life they own and feel fulfilled by.

  4. Disrupting the status quo in fitness, beauty, health and wellness. Yes wellness—not everyone finds peace and serenity in meditation. Some of us have to unleash our beast by being uninhibited, sexy, and silly (like this video we made). Being a zen yogi isn’t the only way to meditate and to be enlightened; we have a different way of doing things here at Seksé Fit.

  5. Seeing the world, experiencing different cultures, meeting and connecting with new people.

Once again, go through all of these factors and check off the ones that you are performing at a high level and for the ones that you are underachieving, make a plan on what you need to do and how you are going to do it with a flexible deadline.

You will notice my 5 Happiness Factors and 5 Purpose Factors are connected. Why? Happiness and purpose are correlated. Purpose gives our existence meaning, a sense of self, of importance, and a belief that what we accomplish matters. This builds self-esteem and teaches us self-love, this offers us unconditional and sustainable happiness. Purpose can take some time to discover so it’s important to understand what makes your soul happy and what your values are. Once you have that, you may start to unfold your life's purpose and it doesn’t have to be one thing.

Going for a walk looks a little different these days (silver lining: you can pretend you’re a wild west bank robber)

If you need to do some soul searching, maybe take a walk or a hike. Get lost in nature. Think about all the times you felt proud of yourself, completely free to express yourself, or had unadulterated fun. What did you love to do when you were a child? All the things that I loved to do as a child, I am recognizing now that I need to be doing for the rest of my life. We all have innate qualities that shape our personalities as children. So PAUSE, think about what those are and figure out how they are related to your happiness and purpose.

Obviously I will not become a world traveler tomorrow and who knows when with this virus floating in the air, but I can start planning my first trip. And just because I’ve always loved to dance, doesn’t mean I need to be a professional dancer, maybe I just make time to dance or open up a really cool studio where like minded people can dance with me. We don’t all have to be the next American Idol or billionaire software developer, oftentimes those high level roles don’t always afford much happiness. So PAUSE, dig deep, and figure out what kind of existence is going to fulfill you and when you know what is and you have a plan, get after it!

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Updated: Apr 17, 2020

Win our Live Clean. Dance Dirty tank & a FREE class.

Read below for information on how to enter to win.

Before we tackle the above mantra, let's address the elephant in the room—our name. People keep asking, what does seksé mean and how do you say it? You pronounce the é the same way you would with fiancé or Beyoncé—my muse. So something like “sek-say”. It must be said with attitude because that's what we are: fitness with attitude. Say it loud right now, wherever you are. I dare you! The meaning of seksé is a dare in itself. We dare you to try something new. We dare you to challenge the status quo of what is means to be “sexy”. We dare you to live your life unapologetically. Us founders dared to choose a name that was risqué (notice the é) in hopes it would galvanize people to DARE.

You may be curious about our backstory as well and why we created Seksé Fit. Also did you know this is a "livestyle" blog, not to be confused with "lifestyle". There is an explanation and purpose behind the names and how it connects to who we are as founders and a company (more on this in future blogs). Let’s start from the beginning with an original slogan that came before seksé and livestyle…

Live Clean. Dance Dirty serves as a great mantra for our clients, in and out of the studio. It’s also awesome on a shirt—a shirt that you can win (details below).

Live Clean

Be. A. Good. Person. Be kind to yourself, others and the earth. Take care of your body through healthy practices like fitness, diet, cognitive challenges and soulful or spiritual connections to yourself, others, and/or your religion (if you have one). Cultivate meaningful—long lasting relationships. Give back to your community and yourself; it’s ok to be “rationally selfish” (thanks Ayn Rand). Care about your environment and when it’s possible, do your part to recycle, shop locally, and eat organically. Don’t f*ck people over. Have standards and morals—that are true to you. Maybe you think cursing is bad, that’s fine and there’s no judgement (flipping the switch, how you like that?). We are adults, so we can do whatever the f*ck we want. We are not hurting anyone and doing our part to make this world a better place with our actions...LIVE AND LET LIVE. In all of this clean living, don’t try to be too perfect. Allow yourself to indulge occasionally. Most importantly, do it for YOU not your image. Good people like to dance dirty.

Dance Dirty

Don’t. Hold. Back. When you dance, let everything else around you melt into the background and unleash that sexy beast, that pent up energy, that fire within. Look inwardly at your desires and release them outwardly through dance. You are human and it’s your innate trait to want to feel sexy. There’s nothing wrong with that—damn it! Dance Dirty transcends the physical into our existential existence. One must live with moxie, intention, and gusto if you want to blaze a trail. People may try and hold you back so shake it up, get gritty, and be a contrarian, when necessary, and never, ever, try to “fit in”. Never, ever, hide from the spotlight or dim that sparkle. Don’t apologize for being YOU...EVER! Also stop being such a narcissist (geez)! Nobody cares about what you are doing... really. They’re too busy being a narcissist themselves and caring about what people think of them. HA! Ok, maybe we aren’t all narcissists, but if you think about it, everyone is insecure to some degree. People aren’t focused on you as much as you may think. People who waste their life criticizing or judging you, don’t have the courage to be themselves and they’re jealous, afraid, and unhappy because you have what they want—the tenacity and self-respect to live an authentic life. Yes, I wrote self-respect. If you have respect for yourself, you will live honestly and the most honest thing you can do is to BE YOURSELF.

Lastly when you come to Seksé Fit and you step on to our cushy performance floors, YOU BRING IT! If you struggle with confidence, Seksé Fit will help YOU reveal or develop YOUR swagger, YOUR rhythm, and YOUR individuality. Remember nobody has their eyes on you when you are dancing or working out; they are watching themselves. Hopefully, after experiencing Seksé Fit and the supportive and inclusive environment, you will feel empowered and will not give a f*ck anyway. You will be ready to OWN IT! Now go have the time of your life, you dirty little dancer!

If you want to win the very first tee-shirt we made (featured in the picture above) please comment below about how our mantra, Live Clean. Dance Dirty, relates to you. The most insightful or vulnerable content wins (shares, likes and responses do help). The first 5 comments will earn a FREE class.

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